Thursday, July 16, 2009

What is Self Sabotage?

Often we blame it on feeling ‘anxious’ or ‘feeling stressed’ (both are symptoms of self sabotage), and if we are severely affected we might call it ‘feeling depressed’; but the result is, we do not perform as well as we know we can. Whether that is in an interview, at work, socialising, or any other area or our life - we get confused, stumble, cannot remember stuff we should know, get anxious, our mind goes blank or foggy, become clumsy, make what we know are wrong decisions, go all to pot, feel ill or depressed, get excessively angry and frustrated… to name a few symptoms.

Sometimes it is just one particular area that we get stuck on, and then we may even avoid it just because we know “I’m no good with that”. Or it may be a chronic feeling of never getting anything right and nothing works for us. In either case, self sabotage is at work. It can be there from early childhood, which means we may believe it is our personality to be this way. It can also appear suddenly (either in a particular area of our life or as a pervasive cloud over all parts of our life), and we know something has happened to us but we cannot figure out what it is. We might think that we’ve just ‘lost it’.

Whether we feel we were always like this or it happens to us occasionally, it can (for some) be extremely debilitating and will not only sabotage us at the time but can have a devastating effect on our career, or relationships. Maybe you know someone who can only be in a relationship for a certain amount of time before they start to sabotage it. If you ask them why their relationships never last beyond a certain time limit, they may even say “Because I unconsciously sabotage it”. They know, but they do not know how to stop it.

* Self sabotage can affect us in small, but significant, ways and we might not realise the thing we are no good at is actually self sabotage at work.
* It can also have an effect on us on particular occasions, such as feeling over-anxious when we go for an interview.
* It can stop us achieving targets, or performing to our best at work, or it can stop us having a long-term loving relationship.
* Self sabotage can be so pervasive that it effects every corner of our life, to such an extent that we seek medication.

These various levels of self sabotage can be treated. Depending upon the severity, it can take from a couple of sessions, to many months of ongoing support to bring the person to their optimum level.

Self sabotage works against us at many levels. Sometimes all that’s needed is a correction in one’s energy (meridian) system for the results to be a significant advancement on a particular skill of how we feel about something. Add to this, Colin's Advanced Performance Coaching, and you realise why he is a sought after mind coach.

For some people (with Chronic Self Sabotage), the effects of their self sabotage are so pervasive they need on-going, supervised help over a longer period so as to untangle the web of dysfunction that’s keeping them stuck.

Friday, July 10, 2009

How to Tell if a Guy Likes you: 5 Signs a Woman Should Know

How can you tell if a guy likes you or is interested? You noticed him when you were standing and talking with a friend. You think he noticed you, but maybe it was your imagination or just wishful thinking. He looked at you at about the same time you saw him. Your eyes met for just a few seconds, and then you looked away. When you looked back up, he was talking with some other people. Was he watching you as you mingled? Or were you making that up? How can you tell if a guy likes you? Why are guys so hard to read?

Here are five signs that he is interested in you too. If any of the following happens, he is probably trying to get close enough to ask you out:

1. He tells someone
Is he interested? He likes you if he tells a mutual friend that he wants to know more about you, or he asks other people who you are and where you're from. He is trying to act like he's "just asking" but his questions indicate more than a casual interest. And when he tells someone that he finds you attractive, he probably knows that it will get back to you. He's hoping it does.

2. The look
He gives you a look that betrays his calm exterior. Even though he is across the room, "that look" he has says it all. It is sweeping, from your head to your toes, and then his eyes linger on yours. You think you notice the beginning of a tentative smile.

3. The conversation
Does he like you? When he manages to get close enough to you, to ask you questions, he is interested. He appears to be listening and responds to what you say. He's moving in to the ultimate question, which is: "Are you seeing anyone." He would only ask this question if he wanted to date you, and he hopes the answer is "No." Never ever wear a ring in public. When a guy is across the room, he cannot tell which finger it is on and he may assume incorrectly that you are taken. If he doesn't ask you the question of whether or not you are attached, he may ask someone whom you both know.

4. He appears unexpectedly
He likes you a lot if he shows up out of nowhere. He can only do that if he has been asking people about your schedule, or he has been paying attention to where you are going and at what time. His face may turn red when he sees you. A sudden, "Oh, hi," is his way of saying, "I don't want to seem obvious, but I am interested in you." If you feel the same way, do not act shy. Stop and talk to him.

5. EVERYONE likes you
Is he interested? When you are well liked and a happy person, why wouldn't he like you? Of course he does. If you don't have a great life, however, now is your time to start working on one. Take a look at your career possibilities, body image, future, plans, and resources. You may be naturally talented at something, but it won't matter unless you work on your strengths. Misused or unused talents fade away. School and training do not.